It's not a big world. I'm not famous. I'm a bit cynical, not very trusting, hardened by life in ways that I think are good. I try to find humor in odd places because my life is a circus without the fun. Of course, I never thought circuses were fun. The animals made me feel sad for them and the trapeze artists left me unimpressed. I felt worldly back then; "why, ANYONE can swing on a bar!". There was the jealousy part, too, that I turned to hatred. These people seemed to be having FUN with their lives. I wondered when my fun would begin. The cynical girl inside of me still wonders when it will come, this fun that was supposed to be part of her life, but the realist in me tells her, it's not going to happen, sweetie. Life sucks. Sorry.
I am tough - tougher than I thought I could be. My son has made me this way. Or to put it better, fighting for my son has made me this way. Forcing people to see beyond a label to the sweet wonderful child has made me angry and bitter to the point where I'm ready to pick a fight with anyone who gives us as much as a sideways glance when my son does something "not normal". On good days I can ignore these ignorant fools and act as if they're the ones with the fucking problem, not my kid, nosiree. On bad days, I have been known to ask someone flat out what they're looking at. But this embarrasses my child and my goal in life is to allow him to feel as normal as possible. So I send him off on an errand first. Then I chew out the adult.
Kids tease my son. I knew it would eventually happen but it didn't make it easier when it started. The word that turns me into Crazy Wants to Kill Other Child Mom is "tardo". I once went so far as to tell two boys that not only was my son NOT retarded, chances are he was smarter than the two of them combined. Yeah, I'm nice that way.
The birthday parties, too. Monster Boy is lucky that he has many friends on the spectrum and therefore gets invited to parties. But the kids at his school? Nobody invites him.
And as August comes round we'll be getting into the school fights that happen on a regular basis. My son is going to a new school this year as our district made the decision to save money by closing schools and rearranging the districts. My son's school is now 4 blocks away. I still insisted on a "short bus" to take him there. The evil, rotten kids I have had to tell off in the past walk the route my son would be taking and if he ever told me they were mean to him I'd be forced to beat a child. And then it would be hard to help my Monster if I were in prison. Plus I don't need a girlfriend.
As I mentioned, Monster is lucky in that he has friends. There are a trio down the street - the ferals, I call them - who love to come down and destroy Monster's toys. Why do I put up with it? Because Monster is obsessed with these feral children. He is never allowed in their house. He is barely allowed in their yard. We become the free babysitters to feral children who seem to have been raised by wolves. Because my son can't live without them.
Oh, we stear him away. Right across the street, a few doors down, is a wonderful, quiet little boy on the spectrum who gets along well with Monster. But he doesn't give Monster the energy charge he's looking for like the ferals do. He feeds off of them. There is another boy one block over, an NT boy, who also plays well with Matt. He is more fun because he is like a bouncy ball set loose in a hamster ball. He never stops moving. He's this bitty little perpetual-motion machine. He is an acceptable replacement if ferals are out hunting for kill. We also found out that Monster's best friend from his special ed class lives just about a mile from us, and they're having their first play date tomorrow night. Monster can't stand the wait.
We also have two other Aspie boys who live farther away and we need to set up playdates to see, but we try to do that to limit the feral time.
I got laid off two years ago. I found a contract position through a temp agency. It ended a year later, this past May. I've been job-hunting since. I just got another temp job through the same agency and start Tuesday (because I have an interview tomorrow). The place is 22 miles from here - hell to me, who is used to driving 8 or less miles to work. But we'll see how it goes. Money is tight.
This means Monster will be spending a couple more hours at daycare each day. Thank the powers that be that I found him a daycare where he is not beat up by a 15-year-old Aspie boy on a daily basis. Plus it's way closer to our house and the new school. He claims it's "boring" there. I guess it is boring to not be fearing for your life on a daily basis. It's good for him to be bored occasionally. He needs to learn how to deal with it. Boredom to him is not the opposite of having something to do; boredom to him is the opposite of not spending the day at an amusement park.
More later. Off to play games on FB.
